Thursday, August 28, 2008

This Life Sucks!

You know what? I am tired of this life. I am soooo ready for Heaven. Now don't misunderstand me. I'm not suicidal. I just know that this life is not where we are meant to be "happy". Our reason for being is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever. This life is not my final destination. Thank you, God!

Mom died 4 years ago this week. I didn't realize it until Crissy called to check on me. (Thanks a lot, Sis! lol) For those of you who know Mom's story, enough said. If you don't, call me when you have lots of time. When Mom died, Crissy and I were not devastated like her siblings expected us to be. We had been grieving her loss for 2 years at that point. The Mom who died in August 2004 was not the Mama who raised us. That person was already gone, dead in her sin and mental illness. When she actually passed, we then grieved the death of who she could have been, the knowledge that she wouldn't be whole this side of Heaven.

Now our aunts and uncles are experiencing this. Both of Mom's parents (Nanny and Pawpaw) have Alzheimer's. Teddy (Mom's brother) called this morning to say that Pawpaw has been on hospice for a week. (Thanks for the email, phone call, whatever to let us know.) His O2 sat (blood oxygen saturation level) is down to 86%, and he's putting out more fluid than he's taking in. This means that his organs are shutting down, breaking down. The hospice nurses are giving him 7-10 days max. Teddy told me that he and our Aunt Denise have already grieved the loss of their father, that who he was is gone already because of his Alzheimer's. I know what he means. It is a heartbreaking thing, to grieve someone while their body still lives.

Now, the question is what to do about Nanny. Nanny and Pawpaw have been able to stay at home only because the siblings have hired sitters to stay with them around the clock. With Pawpaw gone, we don't know how she will respond. She knows her kids and their spouses, but she doesn't know us, our kids, or most other people anymore. I really expect for her to be gone by Christmas.

Anyway, that phone call from Teddy is how we started our morning. I need coffee, but, most of all, we desperately need your prayers. Please pray that:

1.) the selfish anger and hurt that I feel for not being kept in the loop will be soothed by the Holy Spirit.

2.) the grief of losing our Pawpaw, and possibly Nanny too, will be comforted by the knowledge that they are both believers.

3.) the logistics of husbands who work nights and sons who have mandatory football practice will be worked out with the least amount of stress.

4.) God will show Crissy and I how to respond and comfort with love and compassion.

Dear friends, please pray for us this week and next. Every time God brings us to mind, know that this is a prompting of the Spirit to lift us up to the Throne of Grace. I thank God for you, my friends. I know that we will feel your love and prayers for us this coming week, just as we did when Mom died. I thank you for loving us and for the way that you take such good care of us.


heather said...

I am praying for you my friend. I love you and know that you are in my heart and prayers. Let me know if I can help with anything.

Missy said...

Praying for you guys and loving you both.

Anonymous said...

O, Kim, I'm so sorry. I will be lifting you all up. We love you!

Les said...

I miss hanging out with you guys and I love you!