Friday, November 18, 2005

My Reason For Being

Well, this has been a hard couple of weeks. There has been a lot going on in all of our lives.

Dad's test results came back normal, but he'll have to go back for cancer screenings every few months. His elbow replacement surgery went really well. He's not on pain meds anymore, which I think is amazing. If you could see the x-rays of what they did just a week ago, you would be amazed too. He's already back to normal, well, normal for him. ;)

A wonderful lady in our church lost her mom this last weekend. I don't care what your age or relationship with your mom, it's always hard to deal with. A day or so after her mom's death, she lost her daughter-in-law with whom she was really close. It has been a rough week for that whole family.

Crissy and I went to the funeral today, along with a lot of people from our church. The young woman who died was only 34 years old. Her oldest child is 1 year older than Bren, and her younger child is Ellas' age. I cannot imagine the conflict in a mother's heart, knowing that you're going to die and leave your kids and husband behind. I can't imagine being a teenager and losing your mom. I can't fathom the pain of losing a spouse. How must her parents feel burying their baby girl?

The youngest son of our former pastor died this morning from the injuries sustained in a terrible carwreck that he was in last night. He hadn't been driving all that long. Can you put yourself in those parents' place, getting that dreaded call at 1 AM? Knowing that your baby boy is gone?

Through it all, people try to offer comfort in the form of phrases.
"He is in a better place."
"She isn't in pain, isn't suffering anymore."
"He wouldn't want you to grieve/suffer like this."
"It was just her time to go."

I know that they mean well, but these things don't help. This only makes you feel more isolated, like that person doesn't know what you're going through. It makes you feel guilty for the anger over this loss. It makes you feel like a fraud. What we need at these times are for people to come, put their arms around us, and tell us that they love us. Be honest. If you can't think of something helpful to say, just say "I'm so sorry. I love you. You are not alone in this. I'm praying for you."

Don't try to make it better. There's nothing you can do to make it better, and that's the Holy Spirit's job, anyway. Jesus said that He was going to leave so that the Comforter could come to be with us. He has promised to never leave us, to never forget us. God doesn't get caught off guard. These things don't surprise Him. He doesn't have to go to Plan B because somebody messed up His Plan A. He is the All-Knowing, All-Powerful Father. What He wants for us when we hurt is for us to come to Him, crawl up in His lap, and say "Daddy, help me. I hurt. Make it better. Help me with this pain that won't go away." What better way to honor and glorify and enjoy Him?! This is why He made us; this is my purpose, my reason for being.

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